Full disclosure

Of my insanity, that is. So ya wanna know how this, our last weekday of spring break went? Well ....

I got up to a messy kitchen. Normally I clean the kitchen nightly but last night I slacked off, so there it was, staring me in the face this morning. Got it cleaned up, sprayed the oven down with Easy-Off, sat down at the 'puter, and remembered some t-shirts I bought for the boys months ago. I had stashed them, thinking I'd have their pictures taken in them, but so far I have come up empty on that and have been feeling .. you guessed it, guilty.

But it's spring break and the whole day is in front of us, right? A playdate scheduled at 2 at a local park, baseball practice at 4:30. It's only 10 am, let me call the mall.
An opening at noon? Terrific, I'll take it. Photos of 3 kids, ages 8, 7, and 4. Thanks.

But oops, the boys all need haircuts. Quick, out to the patio, one at a time, so Mom can cut your hair (thank god for crew cuts and electric hair trimmer thingies). Okay, now into the shower to get rid of all those itchy little hairs, now Mom takes a shower ... oh, it's 11:30.

Get dressed -- yes, those t-shirts. And jean shorts. Spencer, where are your jean shorts? (Tearing thru closet, laundry basket, dresser, laundry hamper ...) Okay, there they are. Shoes. Now shoes. Let's roll, people!

Once at Sears, where I have the handy-dandy discount card that eliminates sitting fees, I find the place overrun with girls. Their mothers spend a *ridiculous* amount of time choosing portraits. Honestly, they apparently thought everyone else in the waiting room was there just to be near them, or something. Plus the girls were ... annoying. Like a gang of pre-adolescent, Bratz-loving, midriff-baring annoying girls. Really.

So we get rid of said annoying girls (who honestly, are only annoying because their mothers are TRIPLY annoying and thus unaware that their daughters are annoying) and finally (at 12:35, I might add) we get called into a studio where the photographer is great with my kids, funny, charming, and gets some great photos of them. (But they are spectacularly cute, so really, how hard is that?)

THEN we are told to wait 10 minutes until the photos are ready to be seen on the computer. Have I mentioned it is 1:10 and my children have not had LUNCH yet? Oh my.

I called my mom and bitched at her (thanks, Mom). Not done bitching, and unfortunately not done waiting, I call my husband at work (yes, he is a good and patient man) and bitch some more. After that I had a lot more bitching to do, but no one to bitch to.

By this time an annoying family has arrived who have one child sitting on a chair directly in front of (and less than 2 feet away from) the TV, which is playing "Finding Nemo." But no *freakin'* body else can see the TV because she is RIGHT THERE. And her brother, in a demonstration that seriously tops all rudeness I have experienced from children in the Bay area (and that, my friends, is saying something), is *laying across* THREE chairs and doing situps while telling his sister she is in the way. Uhhh, dude? Has it escaped you that YOU are also "in the way"? For the love of god. And where is the mother? Oh, she's right there, oblivious to *everything*. Please, people. Don't take your children out if you are not going to teach them how to behave and especially if you are not going to enforce basic rules of society. Really.

So at 1:35 they finally tell me I can come and look at my pictures. Hand over the $9.99 package coupon, the free 8x10 with purchase coupon, look at pictures, choose picture, decline all offers of editing, enhancements, additional whatever (like I'm gonna spend money on this when I've been here for an hour and a half and not one of you sorry sons-of-bitches has even apologized for the inconvenience), pay my lousy 10 bucks, and run.

It's 1:45, don't forget the park playdate at 2. Dash thru McD's drive thru, at least they have apple dippers, new Asian chicken salad for Mom (eehhhh, it's okay), GIANT fountain Diet Coke to ease me thru my stress, head for the park. Oh, they're late. Excellent. Eat, quick -- so you can play when your friends come.

Aaaaaahhhhh!

And I still have sewing to do, staining of the dreaded dresser, and I have started making the kids' teachers' gifts, apparently because I am a lunatic. So, lucky me, I have all that waiting for me when I get home.

On the up side, the playdate was awesome (a really nice, fun, smart mom plus 2 nice, cute, sweet children), my sheets are clean and my husband made the bed (because my day sorta, uhhhh, got away from me), Evan had a blast at his practice (the coach tells them, "Marlins do NOT sit down on the field!" "Marlins don't walk, they RUN!"). He is COOL. Tomorrow my husband may actually take the kids somewhere for a while so I can do stuff uninterrupted (like listen to Chris Botti REALLY LOUD), and my parents are coming for a visit one short week from today.

Oh god, that means I have to have my dresser done, doesn't it?

*Gulp.*