Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Sinking

I'm sinking again.

Too many commitments, too much uncertainty. Our house hasn't sold; we need to do some repairs on the driveway and concrete. We had hoped not to have to put the money into it but the buyer rules our lives right now. I'd laugh but I don't think it's funny.

Also, our realtor is not great at communicating; we had a showing last Wednesday and Rob finally emailed him yesterday to find out what the buyer said. Not acceptable. He should be communicating with us within a day after a showing; particularly when it was HIM who did the showing. And rather than offer any suggestions whatsoever, he gives us the feedback and hangs up to go to the gym. Asshole. I would fire him and pull the house off the market but I can't summon the energy right now.

I like having the house on the market because it forces us to keep things tidy (and by "us" I mean my children). I am always tidy. But certainly there are downsides to it as well. Like I don't have all my stuff. I would like a pair of black sandals I have to wear with an outfit to my niece's confirmation. They are in storage. Way in the back. So no sandals. Stuff like that is frustrating.

I confessed to Rob last night that I am having some scary thoughts. Nothing like I am going to hurt myself or anyone else, but thoughts that are not like me; thoughts that are dark and out of control. Scary.

Garrett continues to struggle with school. He has now lost all privileges through the summer and can't get them back. this includes fishing. Yes, I said it; he can't go fishing ALL. SUMMER. LONG. My husband and I argued about what course to take last night. We'll figure it out; in fact, we pretty much have reached an agreement; but it scares the kids and since I'm already fighting with the 12 year old I would prefer not to be fighting with everyone else, too.

It's a busy week; I hate the spring every year because it is so busy. School field trips to chaperone, volunteer commitments, family events and celebrations, a trip to Indianapolis ... this month is jam-packed. It's great to have so much to do, but it's a burden, too. I enjoy my time to myself. I feel like it's selfish of me, but right now, when I have had so little of it, I realize it is a necessary thing. My sanity depends on it.

It will get better. It will get better. This, too, shall pass.

That's all I've got to hold on to right now. Let's hope it's true.

6 comments:

  1. Wow - this shouldn't be happening! I came in late to your blog and don't know why you are selling - are you moving to a new area? I sympathize with you about your twelve year old. I was never able to get my kids to do well in school - took the boy to a psychologist who said "he just doesn't like school". My son finally woke up when he was a Junior in college and got on the Dean's List. I hate to tell you - there is no way to instill the desire of doing well. Despite the earlier school failures, my son became a hard working man and all three of his children are outstanding students. How you figure?
    Keep blogging - the house WILL sell, the son WILL succeed. and you'll pull out a lot of hair,
    Natalie

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  2. Hey Jennifer... don't be sinking over there! I'll trade you. No hubby, no kids, no house to sell. Love your style. ~Jen

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  3. I'm reading Love in the Time of Homeschooling right now and it's really hitting me about how some kids just don't make it in public school...they're usually too smart. I'm betting this is the case with Garrett based on his parents. I'm not sure what the solution is there... if homeschooling is an option or not... but it is something to look into. He's old enough that it perhaps wouldn't be as hard? Don't know.

    As far as the depression, etc. I can relate at least a little. If you want to talk ever, shoot me an email or give me a call. I've made changes lately that have been positive...I'm sure you know that being around positive people can make a huge difference.

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  4. Just a thought...

    With it being a buyer's market at the moment, perhaps it would be a good idea to take the house off the market for a while. I wonder if the extra energy of keeping the house in tip-top shape AND having to woo potential buyers who likely have a plethora of homes to choose from--all while juggling the normal craziness of spring--is really worth the extra stress on you.

    Stress can be very detrimental to your spirit AND your body. And, unfortunately, just acknowledging this to be fact does not make it all disappear. (Though, wouldn't it be SO cool if it did?)

    On the other matter, I'm not really in any position to give you parenting advice . . . but another commenter made me think and want to post. Natalie's thought that "there is no way to instill the desire of doing well" doesn't ring true with me and it seems a little defeatist.

    While it's true that we can't make or demand that our children feel or think certain ways, it doesn't mean that we can't work with them to learn what inspires them. I believe everyone can be inspired to, at minimum, reach their potential. It's not always easy of course, but it is possible. I think the first thing we have to remember is patience, and that our children are their own person. That means we will often have to step out of our comfort zone, out of the box, in order to try to see life from their point of view.

    Hopefully doing so will give us a better understanding of what is going on in their head, or at least a better idea of will affect them, and possibly what's challenging them.

    I wish you much calm and peace my dear. You are an amazing woman, and you will get through this. Lot's of big Texas hugs for you.

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  5. I read your comment, Leslemora and I guess it does sound defeatist (You can't instill etc.) I gave up on my kids insofar as school, but evidently set a good enough example (re reading, work ethic) that they have turned out just like me in that area.
    I just couldn't live my life nagging them about school. My husband and I did go for professional advice and one of the best we got was, "Have fun with your children." and it made a difference, Mark began cooking at the age of 12 - made the best Baker Alaska, was playing professiionally as a musician at the age of 16.

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  6. When you get here, I will take good care of you!!!!

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