Spence has been having a tough time lately. Not sure what it is exactly, but he is having meltdowns that rival the ones he had at 2. I think part of it is he's tired but the bedtime issues we're having (with everyone, which is another blog post entirely) are not enough alone to put him in this slump. Anyway, he is crying and throwing minor fits several times a day.
Tonight, we had a lovely hour together in my bedroom watching "Shrek the Halls" and "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Garrett and Spencer each had a sugar cookie for bedtime snack. Evan discovered there were no more sugar cookies and asked for a snack of some chocolate we got from Sarka that hadn't been opened yet. I consented to avoid a meltdown, and the other 2 boys immediately started in with the whining. When I told Spence he needed to wait until tomorrow for the chocolate (it is a huge bar and Evan only got about 1/5 of it), he threw his head forward in anger -- and hit me in the nose. Argh.
I reacted by pushing him away so I could sit up. I pushed too hard and he fell back and landed on the floor. See? I suck. By the time I was done all 3 kids were crying and I was telling Rob he needed to deal with it because I just couldn't.
I am not sure what is going on with me, either, but I suspect part of it is that the light is fading and I am not back to using my little blue light faithfully each day.
I don't want to be the mean, cranky, unsympathetic mom. I really don't. But there it is, in all its glory: sometimes I am. Sometimes I am impatient and I react like a 2 year old and I yell. Not the mom I want to be. Not the person I want to be. At all.
I'm going to bed to get some rest so I can start fresh in the morning with an apology. Man, will I ever learn?
Mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend. Scrapbooker, family historian, reader, cook, photographer. Volunteer. Political junkie. Springsteen fan. Loves deeply, strives daily to be a cheerful, kind and generous person. Fails regularly. Snarky, judgy and more than a little blunt. Some people don't appreciate my style. If you're one of them, that's ok. Get your own blog.
I think most of us have had days like that. It just shows that we're still people, not JUST Mom.
ReplyDeleteI think...if you see a place for improvement in your life, and it's a change you truly feel the need to make,then you will be able to make it.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I think your response was fairly normal, especially if it hurt your nose..the pushing away is a logical response. The falling...it happens. He was probably somewhat off balance from going forward at you.
I'm not telling you this to justify what you did, just to point out that it's not an outrageous reaction.
I'd cancel sweet bed snacks for a week for the whining for all three. Still snacks but not sweet (If you want a sweet treat there will be sweet behavior).
You're not a terrible mother. Terrible mothers wouldn't stop to question their actions in their blog. Start using your light regularly. I don't want to have to come up there and make you!!
I think I would have done same thing. (Push the kid away if I'd been hurt) And I have done that. I think it's just a natural, survival mode, response. As for the kids who saw it happen (or felt it)--they have learned a lesson a too! Really-- kids need to know when they've gone too far.
ReplyDeleteYou're not a bad mom. I must be a bad 'cause I don't even make cookies.
Jennifer, you are SO not a terrible mom. I have done the same thing and sent Michael flying and he is not a little kid. We all need to work on our stress and how we handle it...kids included. I am thinking of you!!
ReplyDelete