Wednesday, September 15, 2010


I don't know what it is.

Is it the fact that the weather is growing colder, signaling that fall is coming, and after that, the dreaded "W" word?

Is it my hormones? After my uterine ablation I have no sense of what my "cycle" is and so I suppose it could be PMS. How do I tell?

Is it that I changed medicines and then opted to stop taking them entirely for about 5 days because, to put it delicately, they were causing intestinal distress?

Is it that, although I am grateful that I've been able to choose to stay home full time, it has required sacrifices and right now I am wishing some of those sacrifices didn't have to be made and feeling bad that my husband is feeling some stress over said sacrifices?

I don't know; maybe it's all of those things. Maybe it's none of them.

What I DO know is that I am irritable. I am cranky. I am impatient. I am lethargic. I am emotionally volatile. I am prone to sudden bouts of weeping.

Ordinarily I view menu planning and cooking as a necessary but often fun task that allows for me to be creative. Right now I have no desire to make menus, look through cookbooks, make shopping lists (I LOVE to make lists!), and certainly no desire to cook anything.

I am untethered. Frustrated. Disappointed in myself. Once again trying to lift myself up just a little so that I can be the real me again; a little bitchy, yes, but creative, motivated, generous, anal-retentive, and even funny sometimes.

It's just really hard to fix a problem when you don't exactly know what it is.


  1. I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling this way, but I hope at least the process of writing it all down and getting it out made you feel a little bit better.

  2. I am happy to hear it isn't just me who feels crazy somedays; but I wish there was a magic tablet we could take it make it better. Hang in there!! XO