Garrett has been in tears several times already this morning. He is 8. We have been up for just over an hour.
Fights with the brothers, I can't find the cereal I want to eat (maybe because you ate it all, hel-LO), why won't you let me wear the long-sleeved shirts to school anymore, Mom?
Okay, my kids wear uniforms to school. In general, I have no objection to this. But lately it's been up near 80 F in the afternoons when the kids get out of school. Long sleeves are not really appropriate. The mornings, however, are cool. We have a sweater and a sweatshirt which are approved school uniform apparel so that our children can layer (a concept lost on my darling son) and thus stay comfortable throughout the day, regardless of the current temp.
Garrett has grown a LOT this year -- the sleeves are too short on the long sleeved shirts. But he insists on wearing them. So today I said I wanted a shirt to put in the Goodwill bag and he melted down.
Why is it that I cannot get my child to articulate for me why he wants or needs some things? I want to help him -- I really do. I WANT to be sensitive to his needs, to be the person he can come to for anything, to be the one he can share scary or silly or embarrassing things with without fear or repercussions. By the end of the "Why do you feel the need to wear shirts that are inappropriate for the weather and which do not fit you anymore?" conversation I was wrecked. In tears. So frustrated with my inability to draw those things out of him -- with my clear lack of empathy (or he would share with me, right?), with my utter inability to be the mom I want to be.
Some days it is just so hard.
Mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend. Scrapbooker, family historian, reader, cook, photographer. Volunteer. Political junkie. Springsteen fan. Loves deeply, strives daily to be a cheerful, kind and generous person. Fails regularly. Snarky, judgy and more than a little blunt. Some people don't appreciate my style. If you're one of them, that's ok. Get your own blog.
Yes!! I completely empathaze with your feelings. I'm going through the same things with Rakan who will be 8 in a few months. It's like they want to share with you when THEY are ready, if at all. I wonder if I've missed out on good opportinities of listening because I've been too busy, or not present emotionally. I KNOW I'm not the mom I want to be right now, and I have a feeling it's a lot to do with taking care of ourselves.
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there... Last week Andrew & I had a similar morning. He decided he would not take his medication (that he had willingly taken daily the week before...) A big verbal battle broke out. Lots of tears. A slap on the rear. More tears. Mean words. Really mean words. Why was I doing this to my baby?????? There's a saying, "pick your battles.." Well I REALLY picked the wrong battle! And I'm still paying for it.
ReplyDeleteI haven't had any saying in Henry's choice of dressing in a long time. I can merely make sugguestions -- and he usually goes against them. He's been wearing jeans with holes and Hawaiian shirts 4 sizes too big. If he's too cold/hot, and clothes are too long/short, well, that's his own problem. He thinks he's pretty cool. and I just change the subject when other moms ask me about his dirty holy jeans.
ReplyDeleteI'm kinda surprised you let this get to you...I would have figured you'd just let him go, as Vivian said, and let him figure it out. I know *I* care about how my kids look even though they don't (yay it's summer...shorts are supposed to rise above the flood!) I weigh it with the part about how Miss M just got dressed on her own despite the fact that she chose light blue sweatpants and a dark purple sweatshirt with red socks on an 80 degree day. It's a tough choice on which is the one to let go of. And she was "Mommy...I'm HOT!" by lunchtime and off she went to find some equally unmatched shorter outfit...she figured it out...Garrett will too.
ReplyDeleteIs there something bigger going on and this is just the easier thing to argue about?