Enigma

I have talked about it with friends before: there is no way to know what goes on in someone else's marriage. No one but the people involved have the inside perspective, and even if you hear a story from one of them, it is colored with their own biases, dreams, desires, and emotions. What one wants from a marriage is not always what one gets. What one thinks one wants from marriage may not actually be what one wants. And we change as people. We get older, we learn things, we understand ourselves better and sometimes that understanding leads us in different directions.

I am lucky. I am happy in my marriage. I like being married, and I like my husband. Is that always enough? I don't know -- I have only ever been inside my own marriage, and while it is by no means perfect, and I am a difficult woman to live with on my best day, it works. We laugh, I cry, we act silly and we argue and we I snipe and get snarky, and somehow we wake up every day and decide we want to keep going.

When it gets so bad that a couple doesn't want to keep going, or can't, it's a sad thing for them, their family, and their community. I can't know how or why, but it happened to someone in my circle. The decision has been made. And I am just so sad.

I wish all the best to both of you as you find new paths through the world. It sounds like you are already doing better, but be kind to each other and to yourselves. Know that you are loved and that we will be here for you if you need us.

Dammit, sometimes a virtual hug just doesn't do the trick.