Say it, Ray

Rain Man learned quickly that "Kmart sucks." You'd think I could have figured it out by now, too, but clearly I haven't.
The Kmart in Rochester is awful. It is poorly managed (and has been for more than a dozen years), it is sloppy, it is chronically understaffed, and, well, it sucks.

Unfortunately it is right across the street from my family clinic, it is on a thoroughfare I travel regularly, and it does carry a few items I can't find anywhere else in this town. So I stop in several times a year, always with trepidation.

Today I went in for folders. Two pocket folders without the prongs for holding looseleaf paper are nowhere to be found. Seriously. Kmart didn't have them, either, but the prong style folders were on sale for 10 cents, whereas other stores are asking 50 cents or more. So I grabbed a half dozen and headed to the checkouts.

It was crazy. There were 3 registers open, lines snaking back close to the middle of the store. The lone service counter employee seemed oblivious, so I asked (nicely, I might add) if she could call another cashier. She unleashed on me and chewed me out saying that 2 people had called in that day and there was no one else to help.

Okay, lady. THAT is not my problem. It's your job to provide customer SERVICE. I have done that job. Yes, I worked the service desk at a Kmart. For years. And if I had even thought of responding to a customer that way I would have been (deservedly) FIRED.

My response to her tirade? Oh, believe me, I gave as good as I got. Did you expect any less? In my typical dramatic fashion, in front of a couple dozen people, I stormed up to her counter, told her she could stick the folders up her ass and that I would be calling her boss later, and marched out the in door.

So, if Kmart has people checking social media and blogs for references to their stores (which would shock me, since they can't seem to get one decent human to run the store in Rochester, Minnesota), they should send the Powers That Be a little heads up; you are losing business daily here, and your reputation as a retailer is as low as it can get. People here like Walmart better. And that is saying something.

Kmart sucks.

Minnesota nice, my ass.

I ran to the Goodwill this afternoon. I keep a little bin in the laundry room and I toss in things that Spencer has outgrown as I'm folding laundry. (He has a hard time letting go of clothes, no matter how small.)

So I didn't have a lot but I wanted to get rid of it, as I am in this nesting/cleaning/organizing/tidying/purging phase.

I drove up to the tall garage door at the back of our fancy new Goodwill. There was a car parked in front of me.

I have never had to wait more than a few seconds for the door to open, but there was a big trailer pulled up to the loading dock so I thought maybe they were extra busy. I made a couple of phone calls and decided to call the Goodwill to find out why there was such a wait. (By that time I had been there 15 minutes.)

I had not honked or been otherwise rude because there is a sign near the door that says, among other things, "PLEASE be patient" and I am so very short in supply of patience on any given day I decided to really try to be patient.

When I got a human at the Goodwill on the phone, I inquired as to why I had been sitting there, with a line of cars now behind me.

His response? "Is the car in front of you pulled up all the way so it triggers the door?"

I got out and told the VERY young woman (I estimate 12) in the car in front of me that she needed to pull up. Of course, still in the spirit of "Minnesota Nice,"I refrained from adding that she should probably hang up her freakin' cell phone and pay attention to the toddler in the back seat.

And yes, I think she was an idiot but OH MY GOODNESS, instead of 12 signs asking for patience, how about they put up ONE that tells you how far you have to pull forward to trigger the sensor?

Blah.

A plea

to my husband's family.

STOP CALLING ME JEN. MY NAME IS JENNIFER. TWO EXTRA SYLLABLES WON'T KILL YOU. IF YOU CAN'T DO MORE THAN ONE SYLLABLE, THEN CALL ME BITCH. JUST DON'T FREAKIN' CALL ME JEN.

I HATE IT.

Thank you for your time.

Not that anyone asked me ....

But with my recent spell of Freecycle giveaways I feel compelled to offer some tips:


10. Don't act like you're doing me a favor by taking it off my hands. There are plenty of ways I could get rid of it, including selling it on eBay.
9. Follow directions. If I ask for a phone number so I can contact you or a day/time you can pick the item up, provide it. If you don't, I delete your email.
8. If you give a reason why you need the item, I am more inclined to choose you. (It doesn't have to be an altruistic reason, it could just be that I am giving away a widget and you have always wanted a widget but just never bought it for yourself. I might give it to you because making you smile will make me smile.)
7. Tell me a story. Just a little one, but if the picnic basket will motivate you to pack a picnic lunch for your wife and kids and take them to the park, I should know this. It will make a difference.
6. If you give me your phone number, it should be local. A long-distance area code is a free call for most, but not for everyone. And don't expect me to call you if you are the recipient. Make an effort and dial the phone if I ask you to.
5. When you say you're coming to pick something up, be there. Flakers will never get another item from me. I keep track.
4. When you pick it up, if I am there, say thank you. I don't expect roses and champagne, but a sincere thanks is always appreciated.
3. Post offers on Freecycle. If you ask for something but I don't recognize your name as a giver on Freecycle I am much less inclined to give you the item. Freecycle only works if you give and receive.
2. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar count. If you can't be bothered to spell check your email I will delete it. There is no excuse for being ignorant.
1. Be polite, for God's sake. It's not that difficult and you ARE *asking* for something. Say please.

A new day

Funny how life always looks better in the morning, isn't it? We are working on it. He is grounded from TV, Wii, and computer indefinitely. (Not that this has made any difference for the last 8 weeks ....)

We have a band concert later today. (Did I mention that yesterday was also the day he lost his mouthpiece for his French Horn? The day before the concert, which is a large portion of his grade?) When I dumped out the backpack into the sink the mouthpiece was discovered (thereby saving me $49.95 plus tax at the music store. Yes, I had called them in a panic. Who knew? They have those mouthpieces in stock.)

He has one page of Math left to finish. I hope to have Social Studies and Science finished tomorrow (except for the thing which needs to be discussed with the teacher, who has been gone for 2 days and who, previous to that, "didn't have time" to talk to him about it). Excuse me? Your job title is teacher.

Two more weeks of school *should* be time to complete the remaining stuff: Language Arts. This is a struggle for my kid. I cannot relate. Trying to find patience so that I can help him. Pray for me.

I am now off to dye my hair and wait for the Freecycle guy who wants me to call him (on a North Carolina area code number). I emailed him and said, either take some initiative and call me or forget it. Be here by 10:30. Ugh.

This post is garbage

It is. Today I had finally had enough of our crapass garbage company. We don't have municipal waste pickup or recycling -- it is all done by independent companies. Four of them. Which means that every Tuesday, my neighborhood is filled from dusk to dawn with giant, lumbering, rumbling trucks. I hate it.

In the past our recycling has been left on the curb instead of recycled because it has been improperly sorted. We do our best to keep plastic, tin, aluminum, and glass separated-- honest we do. It takes an extra 10 minutes or so every week to sort it all and this morning Rob did it alone and it was COLD out. Like 15 degrees cold.

This afternoon I realized that the main recycling container had been emptied but a cardboard box sitting next to the recyclables had been left. The box was full of cardboard and newspapers. A long box that had held my new curtain rods had been wedged between the containers by Rob so it wouldn't blow away. When they took the recyclables they left the curtain rod box, too, so it had blown into the middle of the street.

I called them and was informed that they had not picked it up because it wasn't properly sorted and I LOST it. We deal with this regularly, and I recycle LOTS of stuff. More than most of my neighbors, more than almost everyone here. We got into the habit in California, where you can recycle almost anything. I can't have my recycling NOT picked up for a week; I don't have room in the tub for what I recycle in ONE week, let alone two. So I told her to cancel my service effective immediately.

I called another company and it turns out they don't require sorting AT ALL. Plus they'll give me a free month of service because I am switching companies. And they said that they heard regularly from Sunshine customers who were sick and tired of the sorting pickiness, among other things.

So if you're in Rochester or are moving to Rochester, you need to avoid Sunshine Sanitation. They are NOT sunshiney. They are a pain in the royal ass. They are picky and ridiculous and they just plain suck.

And I only posted the link there so if they have someone who looks at the statistics they will see that people are coming to their site from here. And then they will see that I hate them. And that will make me have a sunshiney day. So please click on the link above, but I beg you -- don't order service from them. They are the black hole of residential waste disposal. And you can quote me on that.

P.S. When they came to pick up the garbage for the last time (because they use 2 trucks and come at 2 different times), they took the cardboard and newspapers. So much for recycling.

Broken record

My kids spent an hour today writing lists for Santa. Not even letters -- just lists: item after godforsaken item that they WANT.

When my parents were here my mom helped them clean up their bedroom and playroom because they were unutterably awful. (This after a week of me patiently asking them daily to spend some time on their room so that it would be in good shape when Grandma came. Clearly to no avail.)

This morning they spent just over an hour upstairs. They were getting along (or at least no blood curdling screams or gigantic crashes could be heard emanating from their space) and I assumed that it was picked up with the exception of the GeoTrax train set that is spread all over everything. One item or set I can handle; it's the billions of Lego on top of the trains, covered in paper and markers, with a few Dora house pieces thrown in that I can't stomach.

After telling them that I was a little disappointed that they put so much effort into composing their want lists and that I sincerely wished they would take care of the items they currently own before demanding a thousand other things that will only serve to make my house more of a disaster than it currently is, I inquired as to the state of their room. When I suggested that I might go up to inspect, they almost ran each other down getting to the door before me. "Let us check," they said. "We just want to make sure."

Within 5 minutes the aforementioned gigantic crashes and an assortment of angry cries and not a little yelling (gee, I wonder where they learned that?) were heard in my once-peaceful house.

Apparently it is a mess. What a shock.

I know I bitch about this constantly; I am sorry. It's just that this issue threatens to drive me to the brink.

What do I do? How do I handle it? Do I have to resort to daily inspections?

And how, other than the guilt trip I just laid on them, do I get them to understand how fortunate they are? We donate to the food bank; we give to Goodwill; we contribute to worthy causes; this summer they and a friend actually donated their own money to the Red Cross and learned about how that money is used to help people. And what do my kids do? Make insane lists of toys they don't need, won't play with, and will absolutely not pick up except under threat of bodily harm. Oh, and they fight.

I think I'm taking the Christmas fund this year and going to Australia. If there's enough left over I'll bring Rob and hire a babysitter for the kids. Otherwise, they're on their own.

Repeat after me

Barack Obama is not a terrorist.

Barack Obama will not raise your taxes if you make under $250K a year.

Barack Obama will not pull troops out of Iraq or Afghanistan without the advice and input of the military leadership. He will begin to pull out of both areas in a responsible manner as soon as he can.

Barack Obama will make sure that if you have adequate health care, you keep it. He will also make sure that every person in this country has access to affordable health care and that people will not be denied coverage based on preexisting conditions.

The Obama and McCain financial plans have both been analyzed by independent experts. Obama's was given a higher rating.

If you think it is a problem that Obama may be President with a Democratic controlled Congress, you should also think that it was a problem that President Bush had 6 years with a Republican controlled Congress.

And let me say this: for the last 8 years I have been in the political minority in this country. I did not use that as an excuse to act like an ass. Now that I am in the majority, it seems, I still refuse to stoop as low as those of you who disagree with me.

Not once have I attacked McCain's integrity, his patriotism, or used his personal life against him. Not once have I posted a Photoshopped picture of McCain or Palin made to look like the devil or a character from Star Trek or any other unflattering character. I have not made accusations without basis, I have not linked to articles that were written by liberals in a condescending, snarky tone to back up my statements and opinions.

I have more respect for myself and you than that.

And I sincerely hope that IF Obama wins, this will end the snarky, bitchy comments from you. Because when W won the last 2 times, I was bitterly disappointed. But I didn't threaten to move to Canada, I didn't moan and whine, I didn't continue the divisiveness. I am sick of this campaign, but I am MORE sick of people who will not listen to reason, who can't be dissuaded from arguments that are based on rumors and innuendo, who continue to be disrespectful of my opinions even as I try my damndest to be respectful of theirs.

If you don't like me

or my opinions,

JUST STOP READING!

It's easy. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your (permanent, I hope) way out.

Recurrence

I hate that word. Basically what it means to me is, "Well, you thought I was gone, but I was just hiding and now I'm back to kick your ass."

Shocking how one phone call and one 10 letter word can ruin your day, turn you into a weepy shell of your normal self, and have you wishing you could somehow wiggle your nose a la Samantha on Bewitched and find yourself transported to a city hours away.

I feel so damn helpless.

While I was gone ...

Bullet points for the sake of expediency.

* We got 5 nights in the camper in 2 different campgrounds. Last night's adventures will merit a post of their own later. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
* A visit from a dear friend was a good thing. Funny how things can change in 21 years.
* Load 3 of camping laundry is in the washer now. Camping: when your regular Mt. Washmore is just not a challenge anymore.
* Starting the bedtime routine this week. Bed at 8:30 tonight if I'm lucky. (For me and the kids. See bullet #1. Details to follow.)
* Vet appointment for Pippa. Antibiotics for a bacterial infection in an anal sac (ewwwww) and steroid drops for an eye condition. Every day. For the rest of her life. Because it's fun to wrestle her to the ground, pin her, and hold her little applehead in one place so I can get the drops in each little bulgy eye. But I love her, I really do.
* Got tons of reading done this week. The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency series by Alexander McCall Smith is worth the read. I got through 1, 2 and 3. Going back to the library for more. The Cry of the Dove is hard to get into ... she shifts time and place so quickly, and the characters ran together at first. Once I figured out how it all fit together, though, I enjoyed it. Some of the prose is lyrical and I found myself thinking, "I wish I had written that." Surprising and emotional.


* Also read a generous helping of People magazine. I found a couple older ones in the laundry room at one campground and bought a couple, too. Mind candy. Yummy.
* Did not miss the television all week. The kids didn't mention it or video games all week. In all honesty, they never pine for electronics when we camp, but I was glad nonetheless.
And a bonus, non-bulleted point:
I did not watch 1 minute of Olympic coverage. Nothing. Since the '94 Dream Team and the cynicism I developed as a result of the time-honored tradition of amateur Olympians being smashed to smithereens by a bunch of professional athletes crowing and preening about their prowess while humiliating teams of actual amateurs who had worked so hard to reach the Olympics, I just can't stomach it. So I didn't watch it. And I didn't miss it. And I don't feel bad about it.
So take that, NBC. And IOC. And USOC. 'Cause I know you were all waiting with bated breath to hear what I thought of it.

F'ed up and fed up.

This is what we woke up to this morning. I guess I should feel grateful ... some areas in the state got 18 inches of snow overnight. The thing is, I am just bitter. Everybody in the state is completely frustrated. It seems spring is never going to get here.

Evan had soccer pictures this morning. They had to be there at 6:45. Honestly, people. It's a game. These are kids. What the hell is wrong with you? And it was freakin' 30 degrees out there. (That's about -1 C.) During Evan's 8-9 a.m. game it snowed. It didn't stick; it melted as soon as it hit the ground, but SNOW? On April 26? Seriously. Stop the madness.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

We all know that I volunteer a lot of my time.

Last night I got an email from a committee I am sort of on, asking if everyone would be available for a meeting today at 4:30. As I am (I think) the only person on the committee who is not on someone's payroll, I responded immediately and said that I would make it work in my schedule if everyone else could make it.

I do have a busy week, but the other stuff keeping me busy is volunteering. So I'm flexible.

I volunteered again at school this morning, then came home and logged on to check if there was a meeting update. Nada.

Got Spencer on the bus and settled in to make a spreadsheet, make a couple of phone calls, do some data entry, and answer some other emails. I was on the computer for 3 solid hours. My home phone was on the desk next to me, my cell phone was here too. I was wired up, baby. Available to the world to chat. (Why, oh why, did Bruce not call?)

At 4:38 my cell phone rang.

It was the chair of the committee, wondering why I was not at the meeting.

Ummm, maybe because you FREAKIN' forgot to tell me it was on. Seriously.

So this is the end. I will not do it again. Next time I will take my 2 hour slot and move on. I won't be in charge of anything.

I may "only" be a volunteer, but my time is worth something, and if you can't have the courtesy to keep me in the communication loop, I have much better things to do with my time.

Suckage

Dear BabyZone.com,

Thank you for your newsletter on potty training. However, I have not had a child in diapers since March 2005. In fact, I have to tell you, NONE of your newsletters are helpful or effective for me anymore. My parenting woes have moved beyond temper tantrums and playing the "I drop it, you pick it up" game.

Oh? You think perhaps I should unsubscribe from your newsletters? Brilliant. Except I have done that TEN THOUSAND times and it does not appear to be effective. I have sent emails through the proper link bemoaning your suckitude (word stolen from another blogger, thankyouverymuch) and begging you to just, PLEASE, RIGHT NOW, TAKE MY FUCKING EMAIL ADDY OFF YOUR LIST.

I signed up once, to get access to some random thing that was unavailable if you weren't a member. At that time I opted out of every option you gave me. And STILL you have shared my email address with guys who tell me how to make my penis bigger (ummm, I don't HAVE a penis, thankyouverymuch) and women who tell me how exciting it will be when my man gets this very intimate item for only $89.95 and the wonderful man from a small African nation who is generously giving me a large portion of his family's fortune.

I am using that money to come and kick your sorry asses in person.

Thank you.